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4 Simple Ways to Replace Hostility with Equanimity

4 Simple Ways to Replace Hostility with Equanimity

Equanimity is the key to maintaining healthy social connections.

“Equanimity means to “maintain mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.” Are there certain people or situations that trigger anger, rage, and make it difficult for you to keep your cool? Equanimity is the antidote for burning bridges with people.

We all have co-workers, in-laws or friends-of-friends with whom there is going to be friction. As parents, it’s especially important to practice equanimity with our children. The most challenging situations for me to practice equanimity are when a backstabber tries to slander my character or intentions. Have you lost a friendship, romantic partner or a connection to a family member due to a lack of equanimity and saying something so hurtful that you could never take it back? 

Some people allow a need to feel powerful or superior to drive them to cut others down in an attempt to build themselves up. Don’t feed into it by trying to undermine them in return. Equanimity is always the best response when someone gossips or says nasty things about you. Let their negativity roll off your back like it is teflon coated and covered with Crisco.

If you let yourself slide into the mud pit and start combating someone’s hostile actions or words with more petty hostility you will only add fuel to the fire of negativity. Equanimity is always the best solution for interpersonal confilcts or haters. As Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Equanimity is one of the Four Noble truths of Buddhism. The idea of “Love thy neighbor as thyself” and “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” are the golden rules of most religions. But practicing equanimity is secular. It’s also common sense. If you want to succeed in life, equanimity is going to take you a lot farther than hostility. Learning to not be emotionally reactive when you feel undermined or attacked takes a lot of restraint and practice.

Below are 4 very simple tricks you can use to defuse your anger and replace hostility with equanimity in the heat of the moment.

4 Simple Ways to Maintain Equanimity

1. REMEMBER THAT EQUANIMITY IS KEY AND ALWAYS PREVAILS. The first trick to achieving equanimity is simply to keep the concept of equanimity in the front of your mind — especially when someone pushes your buttons and you feel a physiological ‘rage response’ kicking in. We all know the feeling of anger taking over your body and making your mind spin out of control … your breathing becomes more shallow, your heart begins to race, you feel pressure build behind your eyes, the veins in your temples start to pulse… Never say or do anything hostile or negative in this biological state.

The rush of adrenaline and other hormones is the fight-or-flight response kicking in from your sympathetic nervous sytem. Equanimity, on the other hand, triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to kick in and triggers a ‘tend-and-befriend’ biological state and puts the brakes on the fight-or-flight response.

Whenever you feel the fight-or-flight alarm system begin to sound. Stop. Take a breath and tag it as a cue or red flag that reminds you that now is a time that you need to bring your equanimity A-game. You can consciously flick your equanimity switch into the ‘on’ and locked position and get through just about any situation with evenness of mind.

I know that keeping your cool when someone really pushes your buttons takes a ton of mental willpower and mindfulness. Learning how-to practice equanimity takes work, but it is always in everyone’s best interest.

2. BREATHE, RECITE AN EQUANIMITY MANTRA, AND CALMLY WALK AWAY. Focus on your breathing and neutral things in the environment while reciting an ‘Equanimity mantra’, counting to ten and then coaching yourself in the third person.

When talking to myself in the 3rd person I would say something like: “Keep cool, Christopher … Equanimity is key … Breathe … Relax the back of your eyes …Take another deep breath … Breathe … Equanimity is key … Don’t say anything mean.” If I am unable to walk away calmly from the situation, I will recite words like this as a mantra until I feel my biological response to feeling angry simmer down.

Using your first name in the 3rd person as part of an inner-dialogue is a highly effective way to maximize the power of self-talk. You should talk to yourself in the 3rd person anytime you need to coach yourself towards a target behavior. I learned this trick doing ultra-endurance sports, but it works in life too.

3. VISUALIZE YOUR VAGUS NERVE, BREATHE, AND LET IT GO. Some people thrive on conflict and drama. Often times people will push your buttons intentionally hoping to provoke a reaction. I can think of a few people who are really good at pushing my buttons and getting under my skin, can you? The beauty of making equanimity your primary coping mechanism for conflict resolution is that it breaks the nasty cycle of hate and violence that can spiral out of control and destroys social connectivity.

Both of my parents had a tough time practicing equanimity in their marriage. Watching them fight endlessly made me determined to break that cycle in my relationships by using equanimity. I have a few friends who have really bad tempers. People say and do stupid things when our bodies are pumping with too much adrenaline, testosterone, and cortisol.

Your vagus nerve is there to calm you down. You can engage your vagus nerve simply by taking a few deep breaths while visualizing it squirting acetylcholine (vagusstuff) on your heart to slow down your heart rate and squelch the ‘fight-or-flight’ response of your sympathetic nervous system.

For more on the vagus nerve and tips for creating equanimity please check out my Psychology Today blog: “The Neurobiology of Grace Under Pressure.” 

4. PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND MEDITATION ARE PATHWAYS TO EQUANIMITY. Everyone needs an outlet to stop cortisol from building up and to work through the dynamics of a conflict so that it can be resolved in a way that advances healthy, loving social connections. I find that aerobic exercise, yoga or lifting weights are all very effective ways to release the build up of anger that can fester when you bite your tongue or hold back from fully expressing yourself. Physical activity is a pathway to equanimity, as is any type of meditation.

During a workout you can deconstruct the elements of what happened, let out aggression, and figure out why something upset you. During a jog, bike ride, swim, kick-boxing session, elliptical ride… you can come up with a game plan to resolve conflicts in a magnanimous way.  

Many studies have shown that mindfulness meditation that includes LKM (loving-kindness meditation) can rewire your brain. Practicing LKM is easy. All you have to do is take a few minutes everyday to sit quietly and systematically send loving and compassionate thoughts to: 1) Family and friends. 2) Someone with whom you have tension or a conflict. 3) Strangers around the world who are suffering. 4) Self-compassion, forgiveness and self-love to yourself.

Doing this simple 4-step LKM practice literally rewires your brain by engaging neural connections linked to empathy. You can literally feel the tumblers in your brain shift and open up to empathy by spending just a few minutes going through this systematic LKM practice.

Conclusion: Make Equanimity Your Golden Rule

Taking a few long, slow deep breaths and literally counting to 10 is the best way to kickstart equanimity. Yes, it takes mental toughness to be nice sometimes. Especially when someone is attacking or judging you. But, evolution does not reward mean and selfish people — nor does modern day-to-day life. Sometimes you feel disempowered when you ‘turn the other cheek,’ but equanimity will always prevail. Hate and hostility will eat you up from the inside and out and sabotage your social connections which are the most important thing in life for your well-being. 

The goal of practicing equanimity is to avoid the backlash of adrenaline ortestosterone driven ”rage attacks” that destroy human connection and trust. Once your biological response has returned to a neutral state of homeostasis you can revisit the situation either in writing or in a face-to-face conversation on neutral turf. Never try to resolve a conflict via text messaging or voicemail. 

Equanimity is not about being a doormat or suppressing your emotions. Jackie Robinson was a perfect example of what I call ‘ferocious equanimity.’ If you’d like to read more on this please check out my Psychology Today blog, “The Guts Enough Not to Fight Back.”  

Equanimity is the most important state of mind to maintain when interacting with people who rub you the wrong way or push your buttons. The next time someone really gets under your skin and you want to lash out take a deep breath and try these 4 simple ways to replace that hostility with equanimity. You’ll be glad you did.”


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“What if our religion was each other…”

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Rethinking the Placebo Effect: How Our Minds Actually Affect Our Bodies


“In 2013, Neil deGrasse Tyson hosted a mind-bending debate on the nature of “nothing” – an inquiry that has occupied thinkers since the dawn of recorded thought and permeates everything from Hamlet’s iconic question to the boldest frontiers of quantum physics. That’s precisely what New Scientist editor-in-chief Jeremy Webb explores with a kaleidoscopic lens in Nothing: Surprising Insights Everywhere from Zero to Oblivion(public library) – a terrific collection of essays and articles exploring everything from vacuum to the birth and death of the universe to how the concept of zero gained wide acceptance in the 17th century after being shunned as a dangerous innovation for 400 years. As Webb elegantly puts it, “nothing becomes a lens through which we can explore the universe around us and even what it is to be human. It reveals past attitudes and present thinking.”

Among the most intensely interesting pieces in the collection is one by science journalist Jo Marchant, who penned the fascinating story of the world’s oldest analog computer. Titled “Heal Thyself,” the piece explores how the way we think about medical treatments shapes their very real, very physical effects on our bodies – an almost Gandhi-like proposition, except rooted in science rather than philosophy. Specifically, Marchant brings to light a striking new dimension of the placebo effect that runs counter to how the phenomenon has been conventionally explained. She writes:

It has always been assumed that the placebo effect only works if people are conned into believing that they are getting an actual active drug. But now it seems this may not be true. Belief in the placebo effect itself – rather than a particular drug – might be enough to encourage our bodies to heal.

She cites a recent study at the Harvard Medical School, in which people with irritable bowel syndrome were given a placebo and informed that the pills were “made of an inert substance, like sugar pills, that have been shown in clinical studies to produce significant improvement in IBS symptoms through mind-body self-healing processes.” As Marchant notes, this is absolutely true, in a meta kind of way. What the researchers found was startling in its implications for medicine, philosophy, and spirituality – despite being aware they were taking placebos, the participants rated their symptoms as “moderately improved” on average. In other words, they knew what they were taking wasn’t a drug – it was a medical “nothing” – but the very consciousness of taking something made them experience fewer symptoms.

Illustration by Marianne Dubuc from The Lion and the Bird

This dovetails into recent research confirming what Helen Keller fervently believed by putting some serious science behind the value of optimism. Marchant sums up the findings:

Realism can be bad for your health. Optimists recover better from medical procedures such as coronary bypass surgery, have healthier immune systems and live longer, both in general and when suffering from conditions such as cancer, heart disease and kidney failure.

It is well accepted that negative thoughts and anxiety can make us ill. Stress – the belief that we are at risk – triggers physiological pathways such as the “fight-or-flight” response, mediated by the sympathetic nervous system. These have evolved to protect us from danger, but if switched on long-term they increase the risk of conditions such as diabetes and dementia.

What researchers are now realizing is that positive beliefs don’t just work by quelling stress. They have a positive effect too – feeling safe and secure, or believing things will turn out fine, seems to help the body maintain and repair itself… Optimism seems to reduce stress-induced inflammation and levels of stress hormones such as cortisol. It may also reduce susceptibility to disease by dampening sympathetic nervous system activity and stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system. The latter governs what’s called the “rest-and-digest” response – the opposite of fight-or-flight.

Just as helpful as taking a rosy view of the future is having a rosy view of yourself. High “self-enhancers” – people who see themselves in a more positive light than others see them – have lower cardiovascular responses to stress and recover faster, as well as lower baseline cortisol levels.

Marchant notes that it’s as beneficial to amplify the world’s perceived positivity as it is to amplify our own – something known as our “self-enhancement bias,” a type of self-delusion that helps keep us sane. But the same applies to our attitudes toward others as well – they too can impact our physical health. She cites University of Chicago psychologist John Cacioppo, who has dedicated his career to studying how social isolation affects individuals. Though solitude might be essential for great writing, being alone a special form of art, and single living the defining modality of our time, loneliness is a different thing altogether – a thing Cacioppo found to be toxic:

Being lonely increases the risk of everything from heart attacks to dementia, depression and death, whereas people who are satisfied with their social lives sleep better, age more slowly and respond better to vaccines. The effect is so strong that curing loneliness is as good for your health as giving up smoking.

Illustration by Marianne Dubuc from The Lion and the Bird

Marchant quotes another researcher, Charles Raison at Atlanta’s Emory University, who studies mind–body interactions:

It’s probably the single most powerful behavioral finding in the world… People who have rich social lives and warm, open relationships don’t get sick and they live longer.

Marchant points to specific research by Cacioppo, who found that “in lonely people, genes involved in cortisol signaling and the inflammatory response were up-regulated, and that immune cells important in fighting bacteria were more active, too.” Marchant explains the findings and the essential caveat to them:

[Cacioppo] suggests that our bodies may have evolved so that in situations of perceived social isolation, they trigger branches of the immune system involved in wound healing and bacterial infection. An isolated person would be at greater risk of physical trauma, whereas being in a group might favor the immune responses necessary for fighting viruses, which spread easily between people in close contact.

Crucially, these differences relate most strongly to how lonely people think they are, rather than to the actual size of their social network. That also makes sense from an evolutionary point of view, says Cacioppo, because being among hostile strangers can be just as dangerous as being alone. So ending loneliness is not about spending more time with people. Cacioppo thinks it is all about our attitude to others: lonely people become overly sensitive to social threats and come to see others as potentially dangerous. In a review of previous studies … he found that tackling this attitude reduced loneliness more effectively than giving people more opportunities for interaction, or teaching social skills.

Illustration by André François for Little Boy Brown, a lovely vintage ode to childhood and loneliness

Paradoxically, science suggests that one of the most important interventions to offer benefits that counter the ill effects of loneliness has to do with solitude – or, more precisely, regimented solitude in the form of meditation. Marchant notes that trials on the effects of meditation have been small – something I find troublesomely emblematic of the short-sightedness with which we approach mental health as we continue to prioritize the physical in both our clinical subsidies and our everyday lives (how many people have a workout routine compared to those with a meditation practice?); even within the study of mental health, the vast majority of medical research focuses on the effects of a physical substance – a drug of some sort – on the mind, with very little effort directed at understanding the effects of the mind on the physical body.

Still, the modest body of research on meditation is heartening. Marchant writes:

There is some evidence that meditation boosts the immune response in vaccine recipients and people with cancer, protects against a relapse in major depression, soothes skin conditions and even slows the progression of HIV. Meditation might even slow the aging process. Telomeres, the protective caps on the ends of chromosomes, get shorter every time a cell divides and so play a role in aging. Clifford Saron of the Center for Mind and Brain at the University of California, Davis, and colleagues showed in 2011 that levels of an enzyme that builds up telomeres were higher in people who attended a three-month meditation retreat than in a control group.

As with social interaction, meditation probably works largely by influencing stress response pathways. People who meditate have lower cortisol levels, and one study showed they have changes in their amygdala, a brain area involved in fear and the response to threat.

If you’re intimidated by the time investment, take heart – fMRI studies show that as little as 11 hours of total training, or an hour every other day for three weeks, can produce structural changes in the brain. If you’re considering dipping your toes in the practice, I wholeheartedly recommend meditation teacher Tara Brach, who has changed my life.

But perhaps the most striking finding in exploring how our beliefs affect our bodies has to do with finding your purpose and, more than that, finding meaning in life. The most prominent studies in the field have defined purpose rather narrowly, as religious belief, but even so, the findings offer an undeniably intriguing signpost to further exploration. Marchant synthesizes the research, its criticism, and its broader implications:

In a study of 50 people with advanced lung cancer, those judged by their doctors to have high “spiritual faith” responded better to chemotherapy and survived longer. More than 40 percent were still alive after three years, compared with less than 10 percent of those judged to have little faith. Are your hackles rising? You’re not alone. Of all the research into the healing potential of thoughts and beliefs, studies into the effects of religion are the most controversial.

Critics of these studies … point out that many of them don’t adequately tease out other factors. For instance, religious people often have lower-risk lifestyles and churchgoers tend to enjoy strong social support, and seriously ill people are less likely to attend church.


Others think that what really matters is having a sense of purpose in life, whatever it might be. Having an idea of why you are here and what is important increases our sense of control over events, rendering them less stressful. In Saron’s three-month meditation study, the increase in levels of the enzyme that repairs telomeres correlated with an increased sense of control and an increased sense of purpose in life. In fact, Saron argues, this psychological shift may have been more important than the meditation itself. He points out that the participants were already keen meditators, so the study gave them the chance to spend three months doing something important to them. Spending more time doing what you love, whether it’s gardening or voluntary work, might have a similar effect on health. The big news from the study, Saron says, is “the profound impact of having the opportunity to live your life in a way that you find meaningful.”

Philosopher Daniel Dennett was right all along in asserting that the secret of happiness is to “find something more important than you are and dedicate your life to it.”

Each of the essays in Nothing: Surprising Insights Everywhere from Zero to Oblivion is nothing short of fascinating. Complement them with theoretical physicist Lawrence Krauss on the science of “something” and “nothing.”

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by | June 30, 2014 · 6:51 pm

Humana Festival introduces new plays

Humana Festival introduces new plays photo
“Astronauts flew in ‘nightnight,’ a play by Lucas Hnath. ‘My immediate impulse was to link sleep and flight via space travel,’ said the playwright, who was commissioned to write a short play about sleep that would require aerial choreography. Contributed photo
Humana Festival introduces new plays photo
Claire E. Jones


By Meredith Moss


Theater buffs from around the nation and around the world flock to Louisville each spring for the Humana Festival of New American Plays. The prestigious festival, now in its 37th year, has introduced more than 400 plays over the years, including three Pulitzer-Prize winners.

The Festival, which opened on Feb. 27 and ran through April 7, can always be counted on to give each new play its best shot — with top-notch directors and actors and terrific sets and costumes. On the two final industry weekends, representatives from film, television and theaters of all sizes descend on the state-of-the-art Actors Theatre to check out the new scripts.

This year’s offerings ranged from a humorous adaptation of Henrik Ibsen’s 19th century masterpiece “Peer Gynt” titled “Gnit” by Will Eno to two family relationship dramas —“The Delling Shore” by Sam Marks and “Appropriate” by Branden Jacobs-Jenkins. The struggle for freedom was the subject of “Cry Old Kingdom” by Jeff Augustin, set in Haiti in 1964 at the time of revolution.

There are always some surprises at the festival. This year, in the middle of “O Guru Guru Guru, or Why I Don’t Want to Go To Yoga Class With You” by Mallery Avidon, audience members were invited to remove their shoes, come to the stage and participate in a chanting/meditation session. (Some audience members were so relaxed they fell asleep.)

The most creative idea of the weekend came with “Sleep Rock Thy Brain.” The challenge to three well-established playwrights was to create a short play on the subject of “dreams” that would include flying segments. Audiences were shuttled to a nearby school where the theater’s apprentice acting company achieved lift-off in partnership with Louisville’s ZFX Flying Effects company.

These were not your typical Peter Pan flying segments; these talented young people had obviously been training for months and looked perfectly at home in the air in their beautifully choreographed scenes. In “nightnight” by Lucas Hnath, for example, three astronauts were forced to deal with the consequences of lack of sleep and how it might jeopardize their mission. Their space walks and tumbles in the air were mesmerizing.

ATCA awards announced

It’s at the festival each year that The American Theatre Critics Association recognizes playwrights for outstanding scripts that premiere outside of New York City.

For 2013, the Harold and Mimi Steinberg/American Theatre Critics Association New Play Award of $25,000 went to Robert Schenmkkan’s play “All the Way.” The drama, which premiered at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, tells the story of Lyndon Johnson’s campaign to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Two citations of $7,500 each were presented to Lucas Hnath for his play “Death Tax” and Johnna Adams for her play “Gidion’s Knot.” “Death Tax, a drama that focuses on the issue of dying in a 21st century America where it’s possible to keep individuals alive indefinitely, was introduced to the public last year at the Humana Festival. “Gidion’s Knot”    is the drama that revolves around the mother of a dead student who visits his teacher seeking the back story behind his death. The play premiered at the Contemporary American Theatre Festival in Shepherdstown, W.V.

Cincinnati intern kept patrons happy

Claire E. Jones, an art history major from Cincinnati, has been serving as audience development and festival management intern for Actors Theatre this year.

Her responsibilities have ranged from coordinating airport pick-ups and hotels for the hundreds of industry professionals over special weekends to planning social media nights during the theater’s regular season.

“It’s our effort to reach out to broader, more technological audiences,” she says of the targeted evenings where tickets were available for just $20 and audiences were welcome to use Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest during the show. “The actors and stage managers loved the idea, though some theater purists felt the audience should lose itself in the darkness. But overall it was wildly successful; we even had actors tweeting backstage during “Romeo and Juliet.”

Jones, who previously worked as an intern at the Seattle Art Museum, also planned evenings where food and a bar were set up in the theater balcony.

“We talked to audience members afterwards and offered them drink tickets if they’d stay and talk to us,” Jones said. Some told her they’d never been to the theater before.

Jones says theaters have been forced by the recession to think outside the box.

“Previously there was a built-in audience of museum and theater-goers,” she said. “But now we need to attract new patrons, make it a more casual experience, and find ways to connect to people you might not think would be interested.””

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by | April 14, 2013 · 5:43 pm

Most excellent advice, I will definitely be looking to buy this book asap.

Do Not Despise Your Inner World: Advice on a Full Life from Philosopher Martha Nussbaum


““Our emotional life maps our incompleteness: A creature without any needs would never have reasons for fear, or grief, or hope, or anger.”

When he was twenty-one, artist and writerJames Harmon stumbled into a bookstore and found himself mesmerized by a copy of Rilke’sLetters to a Young Poet, the central concerns in which — love, fear, art, doubt, sex — resonated powerfully with his restless young mind and inspired him to envision what advice to young people might look like a century after Rilke. So he set out to create an antidote to the “toxic cloud of tepid-broth wisdom” found in books “with the shelf life of a banana” that the contemporary publishing world peddled and reached out to some of the most “outspoken provocateurs, funky philosophers, cunning cultural critics, social gadflies, cyberpunks, raconteurs, radical academics, literary outlaws, and obscure but wildly talented poets. The result, a decade in the making and the stubborn survivor of ample publishing pressure to grind it into precisely the kind of mush Harmon was determined to avoid, is Take My Advice: Letters to the Next Generation from People Who Know a Thing or Two(public library) — an anthology of thoughtful, honest, brave, unfluffed advice from 79 cultural icons, including Mark HelprinKatharine HepburnBette Davis, and William S. Burroughs.

One of the most poignant letters comes from philosopher Martha Nussbaum, who makes an eloquent case for the importance of cultivating a rich inner life bycelebrating emotional excess as a generative forceembracing vulnerabilitynot fearing feelings, and harnessing the empathic power of storytelling.

Martha Nussbaum as a college freshman

Do not despise your inner world. That is the first and most general piece of advice I would offer… Our society is very outward-looking, very taken up with the latest new object, the latest piece of gossip, the latest opportunity for self-assertion and status. But we all begin our lives as helpless babies, dependent on others for comfort, food, and survival itself. And even though we develop a degree of mastery and independence, we always remain alarmingly weak and incomplete, dependent on others and on an uncertain world for whatever we are able to achieve. As we grow, we all develop a wide range of emotions responding to this predicament: fear that bad things will happen and that we will be powerless to ward them off; love for those who help and support us; grief when a loved one is lost; hope for good things in the future; anger when someone else damages something we care about. Our emotional life maps our incompleteness: A creature without any needs would never have reasons for fear, or grief, or hope, or anger. But for that very reason we are often ashamed of our emotions, and of the relations of need and dependency bound up with them. Perhaps males, in our society, are especially likely to be ashamed of being incomplete and dependent, because a dominant image of masculinity tells them that they should be self-sufficient and dominant. So people flee from their inner world of feeling, and from articulate mastery of their own emotional experiences. The current psychological literature on the life of boys in America indicates that a large proportion of boys are quite unable to talk about how they feel and how others feel — because they have learned to be ashamed of feelings and needs, and to push them underground. But that means that they don’t know how to deal with their own emotions, or to communicate them to others. When they are frightened, they don’t know how to say it, or even to become fully aware of it. Often they turn their own fear into aggression. Often, too, this lack of a rich inner life catapults them into depression in later life. We are all going to encounter illness, loss, and aging, and we’re not well prepared for these inevitable events by a culture that directs us to think of externals only, and to measure ourselves in terms of our possessions of externals.

What is the remedy of these ills? A kind of self-love that does not shrink from the needy and incomplete parts of the self, but accepts those with interest and curiosity, and tries to develop a language with which to talk about needs and feelings. Storytelling plays a big role in the process of development. As we tell stories about the lives of others, we learn how to imagine what another creature might feel in response to various events. At the same time, we identify with the other creature and learn something about ourselves. As we grow older, we encounter more and more complex stories — in literature, film, visual art, music — that give us a richer and more subtle grasp of human emotions and of our own inner world. So my second piece of advice, closely related to the first, is: Read a lot of stories, listen to a lot of music, and think about what the stories you encounter mean for your own life and lives of those you love. In that way, you will not be alone with an empty self; you will have a newly rich life with yourself, and enhanced possibilities of real communication with others.

Complement with some timeless meditations on the meaning of life from other cultural icons.”

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by | December 11, 2012 · 7:38 pm